The pharmacist called out “just a second, sweetie” as I walked away – no doubt to alert me to something I’d forgotten at the counter. At least I think he was talking to me, so I turned around and gave him a smile. Though I’m likely older than his mother, I never take a term of endearment for granted. One good one can make my day.
Back when women were supposed to consider it demeaning, I never took exception to familiar forms of address. For me, no matter what the speaker’s intent, the whole issue hinges on the recipient’s attitude. Even if the person doing the talking may be trying for a bit of sarcasm with the “well, sweetheart” line or the “sure, sure, darlin” stuff, I choose to accept it all quite literally. In fact, if you call out any of these cozy words and I’m nearby, I’ll answer.
You know those old movies where a hard-bitten restaurant coffee-pourer or short-order cook addresses the waiting customer in that very familiar way – ”just a minute hon” or “be right with you, cutie,” and in that context it’s a phrase meant to establish who’s in charge here and that you’ll wait your turn like all the other customers? Well, not only do I not consider that insulting, but I find those scenes and those phrases oddly comforting.
People who object to this level of familiarity say it comes down to respect, and that these forms of address are inappropriate among people who haven’t been introduced.
I say it’s better than being ignored. So you can call me “sweetie” anytime.
Ó By Anita Garner 2008
Interesting. At what point does a sincere term of endearment become offensive, if at all? You and I have a mutual friend, now dearly departed, who called all the women he worked with “Babe.” This was during the increasingly sensitive seventies and I cringed every time he said it. I know some took offense but just wrote it off to his being, in their eyes at least, “an old fart.” I believe he was around forty-five or fifty at the time!