How much of what we’re drawn to in other people – either in friendship or in love – is that they seem to be our opposites? Or are we most attracted to people whom we feel are exactly like us?
One theory says we choose people who possess something we wish we knew. Or wish we owned. Or wish we could be. The other theory is that we seek people who mirror us.
The longer I live, the more I feel most comfortable with people with whom I have the really important things in common – values – and the less I care about whether we agree on the superficial stuff.
In childhood, there’s a fascination with people who venture where we don’t dare to go. For a while they seem the most fascinating. As parents, all we can do is hope our kids will eventually figure out that some common ground is also important.
Remember the affair in Bridges of Madison County? The attractive photographer, Robert Kincaid (played by Clint Eastwood) meets a woman, Francesca Johnson, (played by Meryl Streep) who quickly falls into a longing state. For him. About him?
Or – as one writer suggested – maybe she’s attracted to the fantasy of the independence she traded for family life. Is Robert, deep down, a manifestation of Francesca’s dream for herself? From time to time that idea pops back into my head. The writer asked, if Francesca had become a photographer herself, couldn’t she have skipped the affair? The theory being that Francesca was really drawn to things Robert knew that she wished she knew.
A while back, after leaving behind a friendship I once thought I wanted, I began thinking that particular writer and W. Shakespeare both make good points. If we all followed our own drummers, whatever tune is playing inside our heads (the old “to thine own self be true” theory) would we be attracted to a different type of person?
Ó Anita Garner 2009
Fascinating subject Wish there was a certain answer. I can only that that in a general way we look for qualities we feel have been lacking in our lives. I was always attracted to strong-willed, feisty women. Married two of them. Exact opposites of my mother, who is sweet and gentle and often indecisive. Now, what it has to do with me personally, I have no idea.
I think the reason you and I developed such a quick bonding and continuing loyal friendship is that we share a conversational flow that allows us to hit the ball over the net and always get a thoughtful, sincere, intelligent response. I really value our ongoing dialogue even though due to my relocation for work we don’t see each other as much. You and I can easily burn through a myriad of subjects with just one email blast and your feedback is always valuable to me.
I seek out people who don’t necessarily mirror me but are willing to be supportive, loyal, caring and truthful.
That’s why you will always have a place in my Solid Platinum Rolodex!