We’ve heard that aging is not for sissies. Here’s another truth. Accepting the reality in the mirror first thing in the morning is not for the faint of heart. And the photo taken for my driver’s license is not necessarily the real me. I choose not to see myself the way the Department of Motor Vehicles sees me. You’d think with that photo in my wallet I’d believe it’s true. Nope. I’m able to convince myself that picture is a fluke, a trick of lighting.
I need my illusions. People who care anything about me know that and leave them alone. Some days I’m my worst critic. Other days I look in the mirror and decide I like it. Sometimes what I’m liking is not the way I really look, but the way I think I look.
If I could see myself as others see me, would I want to?
1) No.
2) Depends on what day it is.
3) Please, no.
It’s hard work staying inside my bubble. The real world is filled with so many bubble-bursters, they don’t need any help from me. So rather than seeing it as delusion, I prefer to think of it as an elaborate alternate-reality scheme, one that helps me to keep on keeping on.
Ó Anita Garner 2009