I would have girlfriends today if for no other reason than that my mother didn’t, and I viewed her life as lacking in that one very important way.
Of course I think of my own mother this time of year, and I remember sadly the way she died. ALS is a scary ending. She was already widowed by then and was lost without him. Those years before she left us are difficult in memory even after more than a decade. During that long time of being bedridden, no girlfriends came to visit.
And not a single solitary girlfriend crossed my mother’s threshold in all the years I lived at home. Her husband and her work were everything to her. She talked about school chums, but I never met any.
Maybe her own mother would be the closest she had to a girlfriend, if by that you mean telling each other nearly everything. But there was more competition there than support and I wouldn’t want a relationship like the one they had – not with a friend and not with a mother.
At the end of her life, her accomplishments were (I hope) what she had as comfort. Professional colleagues phoned – singers and musicians and fellow evangelists. But no girlfriend called.
It’s not because we’re going to die eventually that we need girlfriends. It’s not just so we have them available for bedside vigils. It’s because of the ways they help us live.
Everything is easier with girlfriends and when the going gets rough, even if a girlfriend can’t make the trouble go away, her presence makes it better. Boyfriends and husbands and other relatives can be a comfort, but perhaps because the language between girlfriends doesn’t require translation, understanding is immediate.
Not just for mothers, but for all women, I wish us more time to appreciate girlfriends – both old and new. For anyone who’s lost a girlfriend – through moving or death or attrition of any kind, go find a replacement right away.
Ó Anita Garner 2009
Not being a woman I can’t relate to to this except to say I wish I could.
I have had many male friends, of course, some closer than others. But men don’t share deep feelings and silly thoughts, as a rule, and the bond is always pretty tenuous. At least that’s my experience. I think this must be instinctive and probably hearkens back to ancient traditional roles. But, I also think there is a flip side to the coin. While I have often been alone I can’t remember feeling lonely.
Thanks for the wonderfully thought-provoking piece!
I agree that girls tend to have girlfiends, but guys mostly have … “buddies.” Wonder what the actual difference is there? It’s just a wild guess – but my suspicion is that girls, pretty much, tell girlfriends EVERYTHING – while guys tend to “hold a little back in the chamber.”
Howcomethatiz??
Well, I’m no Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura, but right or wrong, fair or unfair – as Archie Bunker used to sing: “Girls are girls and men are men.” And right, wrong, fair or unfair it’s probably the way it was meant to be. The fact is, maybe that was the plan … all along. ‘Ya think?
Guess we’ll all find out soon enough.
Morg
Your posting touched me to the soul! And, it made me reflect upon the surprising way we became girlfriends through the cosmic intervention of our dearly departed and never to be forgotten girlfriend, Morgan Williams!
Raising my coffee cup in the early NC hours to salute you, dear girlfriend!!
Karin
You have certainly spoken what is in my heart. You and I have been friends for over 25 years and I treasure you. I feel blessed that I have a circle of women in my life who make me laugh, listen to my sad tales and who love me in spite of me sometimes.
Bless you for speaking so eloquently about girlfriends.
What a beautiful piece that so wonderfully captures the essence of how
important having girlfriends is. I can’t imagine my life without you and my other girlfriends. While many consider women to be catty and competitive with each other real girlfriends are the exact opposite and we have each other’s backs no matter what. We’re sisters connected at the soul who give each other the freedom to be who we are with laughter, loyalty, understanding, and unconditional love. I’m so glad you chose to do what your mother didn’t or didn’t know how to.
Happy Mother’s Day my dear friend.
What a beautiful piece that so wonderfully captures the essence of how
important having girlfriends is. I can’t imagine my life without you and my other girlfriends. While many consider women to be catty and competitive with each other real girlfriends are the exact opposite and we have each other’s backs no matter what. We’re sisters connected at the soul who give each other the freedom to be who we are with laughter, loyalty, understanding, and unconditional love. I’m so glad you chose to do what your mother didn’t or didn’t know how to.
Happy Mother’s Day my dear friend.
I’ll always remember years ago when you were coming to town to have dinner with me and my friend Lorraine. She said to me “I can’t wait to meet Anita and I know I’m going to just love her.” When I asked her why she was so absolutely certain of that she said
“because she loves you and I do too so we have that in common and that’s how it works.” And it did. I feel the same way about your friends I haven’t met.