August 6, 2025
When my son graduated from high school, someone gave him the Dr. Seuss Book, OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO! It’s a wonderful and popular gift for grads, the ultimate sentiment of shared excitement for young people just beginning to spread their wings and leave the nest.
Today is my 74th birthday. CarolAnn just gave me a gift that is sort of the exact opposite. Call it, OH! THE PLACES YOU’VE BEEN!
Quick bit of background: At the age of 20, I was married to my high school girlfriend, Karen. We made a good life, worked hard, bought a home, and had a kid. But then by 30, something had changed:
Us.
As I explained to our son years later, his mother and I didn’t fight or have any huge issues. There was no “someone else”, no money problems, nothing specific that came between us. It was just us. We had both changed.
When you’re 20, you’ve still got a lot of growing up to do, and people grow in different directions. That’s what happened with Karen and me. The breakup was hard, but it was for the best, for both of us. Eventually, I came to appreciate the big picture. As the good doctor famously said:
“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” — Theodor Seuss Geisel
That seemed right. I worked it.
Seven years after the divorce, I fell in love with CarolAnn. We got married. Karen, her husband, and her family all attended, as did CarolAnn’s first husband, Daniel, the father of their child, our ring-bearer.
That was 37 years ago, and life today is grand. We’re one big happy family, scattered in clusters across the country and across time.
Some months or years ago, I mentioned in passing to CarolAnn that I don’t have any pictures from my first wedding. Saying that was like putting an impossible quest on my Amazon Wish List, though I didn’t mean for it to be.
For my birthday this morning, CarolAnn presented me with a stack of 8 X 10 photographs from August 21, 1971, my wedding to Karen. I think the look on my face and my laughter were exactly what CarolAnn was hoping for.
A couple of years ago, we made plans to go to Hamilton, Missouri, for our anniversary. It’s a town lined with shops related to quilting and embroidery, which are CarolAnn’s passion and business. We enjoyed a nice trip, where we were met by our friends from Indiana, John and Karen.
Yep. My ex-wife and her husband.
CarolAnn had invited them and then asked me if it was okay. It was, of course. It wasn’t only okay, it was a special time spent in our marriage, joined by friends with whom we’ve shared kids, grandkids, and an extended family of loving in-laws.
Together, my wives — the former and the final — plotted to get me the pictures for my birthday. You can’t imagine how tickled I am.
This isn’t the way Hollywood portrays life. It’s just the way we live it.
Here’s a serious piece of advice from an old man with a young man’s heart:
If you’ve ever loved someone, never lose that, even if you don’t stay together. Don’t throw out your happy memories and old photo albums. You’ll regret it.
Love changes; it grows just as people do. But in my 74 years, the greatest gift I’ve ever received is one that fulfills me daily:
It’s the understanding that I am the sum total of all of the people I’ve known, and especially those I’ve loved — and who love me back.
We’re all holding our pasts close to our hearts while celebrating each new sunrise.
Life is what you make it.
