Remember telephone books? Well, of course you do. Just because anybody anywhere in the world can be found in fifteen seconds on a computer or mobile phone doesn’t mean we’re finished with phone books. We can’t be, we get four or five of them on our doorstep every year.
I followed a fascinating conversation on Facebook this morning which began with the news announcement that San Francisco has decided to ban the unsolicited delivery of phone books. To politically conservative me it’s another laughable example of how local and state governments are assuming control over the simplest matters of our personal lives. It’s what some of us like to call the Nanny State. Of course, blaming “government” in a generic sense is easy and fashionable. The fact is, they do these things because a lot of people want them to.
This isn’t a political column, it really isn’t. Though I do think it is worth noting that San FranNanny (oops, sorry…that just slipped out) has already banned McDonalds Happy Meals and has an issue on next November’s ballot that would outlaw circumcisions. (I know…right?)
And now, phone books.
From the reactions I read on Facebook this morning it seems a lot of people are spitting mad about having to dispose of a phone book they didn’t ask for and won’t use. I’m not kidding, this is a big deal to some folks. Personally, I think a phone book is very easy to throw away and as it doesn’t happen more than occasionally it’s just not high on my list of things that stress me out.
I don’t use phone books anymore, except very rarely to balance a table with one short leg. Since you’re reading this on a computer you probably don’t use phone books, either, but a lot of people still do. How do I know that? Easy. Phone books will disappear from American life when they cease to be profitable.
As I thought about it I realized there are a couple of fairly serious issues at hand here. First of all, if we’re going to ban phone books from being dropped on the porch, why stop there? How about outlawing junk mail? Ye gads! I have to throw that stuff away every single day! It’s enough to make a preacher spit!
And what about those business cards people leave in my screen door offering to mow my lawn or fix my plumbing? And free weekly local newspapers I didn’t subscribe to and the Pennysaver?
I have to put that stuff in a trash can all by myself!
As long as we’re passing laws to restrict people’s ability to advertise their products and services because old-fashioned neighborhood commerce now annoys us, I say it’s high time to crack down on those pesky Girl Scouts hawking their damned cookies outside the supermarket. (That’s not only annoying, it’s deadly! Have you read the caloric and sugar content on those boxes? Somebody needs to file a class-action suit against these cute, young tools of corporate America!)
I’m being sarcastic and silly, right? Somebody will do it. Mark my words, before much longer somebody will stop Girl Scouts from selling their cookies.
My money’s on San Francisco.
If phone books on the porch are one of our biggest problems I think America is in far better shape than I imagined. On another level, though, I am a bit worried about our society.
It seems to me we’re becoming awfully self-centered, lazy, pissy and intolerant of each other.
(A note from the author, two days later…My son’s mother-in-law has made an excellent point in referring to this phone book “ban” as an opt-out requirement. After thinking about it for a few minutes I realize that my problem with this “ban” may be in the use of that word and in that, I may have jumped to an erroneous perspective. I don’t know how the ordinance was written. If, in fact, it requires phone book companies to ask people if they want one I now realize I would support it wholeheartedly. The Happy Meals ban and the proposal to outlaw circumcisions are different, though. They deny people goods and services they may want.”)
Outside my market, a lot of mommies are doing the selling of Girl Scout cookies. When I buy mine, I reach past the mommy and hand my money to one of the girls, figuring it’s good for them to learn to make change. Is that enough of a social statement, or do you suppose I should stand up for something else, too?
I’m just an old man but the idea of handing money to a girl child with a modern mother standing guard nearby sends me into cold sweats. It might well be considered some sort of perversion.
I’m hoping that in the near future we can manage this type of socially-alarming transaction by filing some papers and affording governmental delivery of my cookies without having to risk the friendly, personal interaction between me and any female young enough to be my granddaughter.
Wait — I mean “interaction between me and any female,” period.
San Francisco…taking notes?
I agree with Anita on this. I think the “kids” (girl/boy scouts, children’s chruch group candy sales, etc) learn a lot more than just making change though. They interact with people on a different level, than jumping rope, skating, hop scotch. I think it’s good training. The parents are there to protect and guide them. It also means a lot more to the kid when they say “thank you,” because they’ve actually “done” something, instead of just standing there.