Today is my 74th birthday. CarolAnn just gave me a gift that is sort of the exact opposite. Call it, OH! THE PLACES YOU\u2019VE BEEN!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Quick bit of background: At the age of 20, I was married to my high school girlfriend, Karen. We made a good life, worked hard, bought a home, and had a kid. But then by 30, something had changed:<\/p>\n Us.<\/p>\n As I explained to our son years later, his mother and I didn\u2019t fight or have any huge issues. There was no \u201csomeone else\u201d, no money problems, nothing specific that came between us. It was just us. We had both changed.<\/p>\n When you\u2019re 20, you\u2019ve still got a lot of growing up to do, and people grow in different directions. That\u2019s what happened with Karen and me. The breakup was hard, but it was for the best, for both of us. Eventually, I came to appreciate the big picture. As the good doctor famously said:<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t cry because it\u2019s over. Smile because it happened.\u201d \u2014 Theodor Seuss Geisel<\/strong><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n That seemed right. I worked it.<\/p>\n Seven years after the divorce, I fell in love with CarolAnn. We got married. Karen, her husband, and her family all attended, as did CarolAnn\u2019s first husband, Daniel, the father of their child, our ring-bearer.<\/p>\n That was 37 years ago, and life today is grand. We\u2019re one big happy family, scattered in clusters across the country and across time.<\/p>\n Some months or years ago, I mentioned in passing to CarolAnn that I don\u2019t have any pictures from my first wedding. Saying that was like putting an impossible quest on my Amazon Wish List, though I didn\u2019t mean for it to be.<\/p>\n For my birthday this morning, CarolAnn presented me with a stack of 8 X 10 photographs from August 21, 1971, my wedding to Karen. I think the look on my face and my laughter were exactly what CarolAnn was hoping for.<\/p>\n A couple of years ago, we made plans to go to Hamilton, Missouri, for our anniversary. It\u2019s a town lined with shops related to quilting and embroidery, which are CarolAnn\u2019s passion and business. We enjoyed a nice trip, where we were met by our friends from Indiana, John and Karen.<\/p>\n Yep. My ex-wife and her husband.<\/p>\n CarolAnn had invited them and then asked me if it was okay. It was, of course. It wasn\u2019t only okay, it was a special time spent in our marriage, joined by friends with whom we\u2019ve shared kids, grandkids, and an extended family of loving in-laws.<\/p>\n Together, my wives \u2014 the former and the final \u2014 plotted to get me the pictures for my birthday. You can\u2019t imagine how tickled I am.<\/p>\n This isn\u2019t the way Hollywood portrays life. It\u2019s just the way we live it.<\/p>\n <\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n Here\u2019s a serious piece of advice from an old man with a young man\u2019s heart: <\/strong><\/p>\n If you\u2019ve ever loved someone, never lose that, even if you don\u2019t stay together. Don\u2019t throw out your happy memories and old photo albums. You\u2019ll regret it.<\/p>\n Love changes; it grows just as people do. But in my 74 years, the greatest gift I\u2019ve ever received is one that fulfills me daily:<\/p>\n It\u2019s the understanding that I am the sum total of all of the people I\u2019ve known, and especially those I\u2019ve loved \u2014 and who love me back.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!-eri!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4225ecaf-ba08-4fa5-9b4b-ade71a5343fe_2934x4000.png)
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