{"id":2271,"date":"2019-12-11T12:16:05","date_gmt":"2019-12-11T18:16:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theagingofaquarius.com\/dw_blog\/?p=2271"},"modified":"2019-12-12T11:17:20","modified_gmt":"2019-12-12T17:17:20","slug":"an-unrepentant-underachiever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theagingofaquarius.com\/dw_blog\/an-unrepentant-underachiever\/","title":{"rendered":"An unrepentant underachiever"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Dave Williams<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>I don’t remember when I first realized that I was never going to be special. I don’t mean as a person. I’m a good guy and I’m proud of that but when we’re very young we imagine a world of glory and achievements just waiting for us to arrive and pick them up as fate has arranged.<\/p>\n

As kids we’re told we can be anything we want to be. It’s a lovely lie.<\/p>\n

I wanted to be a major league baseball star. I daydreamed about it for years and played the game joyously. I was decent. I could hit the ball a mile but was a terrible runner and chasing down a fly ball in the outfield was always an adventure. At some point I suddenly understood that hitting World Series winning home runs would always remain in my imagination because I could never be good enough to play center field for the Giants.<\/p>\n

The seed of doubt was planted in me early, fifteen or sixteen, maybe. Once they take root doubt seeds spread like dandelions.<\/p>\n

I wanted to be a professional actor and as a young adult some pretty knowledgeable people told me I was good enough to study hard, get better and succeed. I’m still not sure what stopped me from trying. Fear of failure, I guess. Though, my wife, the lovely and feisty Carolann Conley-Williams, says I actually fear success. It’s an interesting possibility.<\/p>\n

And that’s where I am now: 68 years old, most of my futures behind me and sometimes still wondering why I’ve carried self doubt with me through a lifetime.<\/p>\n

I’ve had a very good radio career. I’ve worked morning shows in major markets and learned my craft as well as anyone in the business. I say that with expert objectivity. I’m very good but I’m not great.<\/p>\n

I can write but I don’t. I want to but I don’t burn for it. Writers always say they write for their own satisfaction but I think that’s a nifty bit of self deception. What’s the point in writing if lots of other people don’t read your work and love it?<\/p>\n

Writing is hard, lonely work fraught with doubt.<\/p>\n

Contrary to what I had always assumed I began to learn that doubt can be a comforting friend. He requires nothing more of you than acceptance.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
My old friend, Doubt.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I describe myself in social media as, “Happy husband, proud dad and grandpa, unrepentant underachiever.” I wrote it to be charmingly humble but it has suddenly dawned on me that it’s true.<\/p>\n

I am an underachiever in one sense but I love my life, every bit of it. I wouldn’t change a thing. Not one instant.<\/p>\n

Pushing 70 I’m beginning to understand that finding glory in one’s ordinariness can be a deeply satisfying thing.<\/p>\n

My old friend, Doubt, brought me here.<\/p>\n

Pictures courtesy of the free online photo share source, Unsplash.com.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Dave Williams I don’t remember when I first realized that I was never going to be special. I don’t mean as a person. I’m a good guy and I’m proud of that but when we’re very young we imagine a world of glory and achievements just waiting for us to arrive and pick them … Continue reading “An unrepentant underachiever”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,306,1],"tags":[482,484,483,481],"class_list":["post-2271","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","category-life","category-uncategorized","tag-doubt","tag-happiness","tag-satisfaction","tag-underachievement"],"yoast_head":"\nAn unrepentant underachiever : The Aging of Aquarius<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As kids we're told we can be anything we want to be. 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