{"id":126,"date":"2010-06-20T09:37:10","date_gmt":"2010-06-20T16:37:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theagingofaquarius.com\/dw_blog\/?p=126"},"modified":"2025-01-30T17:35:41","modified_gmt":"2025-01-30T23:35:41","slug":"prevaricator","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theagingofaquarius.com\/dw_blog\/prevaricator\/","title":{"rendered":"“Liar at checkstand four!”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I went grocery shopping yesterday and saved $29.75.<\/p>\n

I know I did because it says so right at the bottom of the receipt, just above where I\u2019m urged to take a customer survey online and become eligible to win $100. (That\u2019s a package of hot dogs and a six-pack of Pepsi these days.)<\/p>\n

When did grocery stores become so darned chummy? A little small talk with the cashier is nice, but I don\u2019t need a personal relationship with corporate Kroger, Albertsons, and Piggly Wiggly.<\/p>\n

It really irks me to have to carry a special card identifying me as a Preferred Customer<\/em>. In fact, I would be quite happy to be an Undesirable Customer<\/em> and remain totally anonymous if it wouldn\u2019t get me hosed at the checkstand for refusing to become a subject of their marketing database.<\/p>\n

\n
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<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

Once, I went shopping at a different grocery chain in a different city.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you have our rewards card?\u201d the checker asked sweetly.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. Just go ahead and give me the \u2018screw-you\u2019 price,\u201d I replied. I really did. I said it with a smile, but I think it unnerved her a bit. Felt kinda bad about it. Kinda.<\/p>\n

When I signed up for the coerced honor of being a Preferred Customer<\/em> of our neighborhood Albertsons, I lied.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what these corporate intrusions do, they incite us to lie. I didn\u2019t want the store to have my phone number so I made one up. It gave me a great feeling of smug satisfaction until the day I arrived at the checkstand without the card and was told, \u201cThat\u2019s okay. I\u2019ll look it up. What\u2019s your phone number?\u201d I stammered and mumbled to the checker that I didn\u2019t know it. Then, I broke down and admitted my perjury. I looked at my shoes as I did it. I half expected to hear an announcement a moment later on the p.a. system, \u201cManager to checkstand four. Liar at checkstand four!\u201d<\/p>\n

Not long after that, I was back at the same store. When I told the checker (a different one, thank God) I didn\u2019t have my card, she asked for my phone number, and for some reason, I told her my real number. I knew it wouldn\u2019t work in the system, but I felt ashamed and wanted to purge my record as a known fraud at Albertsons.<\/p>\n

Guess what? It worked!<\/p>\n

My actual phone number was accepted, and I was back in the good graces of the Albertsons Corporation! I was, again, a Preferred Customer<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Praise the Lord!<\/p>\n

As my shame brightened to felonious glory, I suddenly realized what had just happened. Someone else had gotten a card by making up a phone number, and it just happened to be mine!<\/p>\n

As I left the line with my discounted bagged groceries, the cashier honored me by bidding me adieu by name.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave a nice day, Mr. Martinez!\u201d<\/p>\n

Life is good.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I went grocery shopping yesterday and saved $29.75. I know I did because it says so right at the bottom of the receipt, just above where I\u2019m urged to take a customer survey online and become eligible to win $100. (That\u2019s a package of hot dogs and a six-pack of Pepsi these days.) 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