What is the\u00a0advantage in taking young children to funerals?\u00a0 In my humble opinion, their presence exposes them to\u00a0indelible images that may later prove even harder to deal with.<\/p>\n
I was raised in the Deep South during the 1950’s and our culture of dealing with death and the departed included the family’s insistence on an open casket if at all possible.\u00a0 Coffin lids were closed only in cases of extreme disfigurement.\u00a0 After the service at the home of family members or in the church social hall where casseroles were consumed, much was made over how the deceased appeared in death.\u00a0 “Didn’t she look good?\u00a0 And words meant to be a comfort –\u00a0“They did such a good job with his hair, didn’t they?\u00a0 Looked just like he did last week.”<\/p>\n
Funerals were loud affairs with sobbing and moans mixed in among the amens and exhortations from the preacher.\u00a0 Demonstrations of grief were many and varied.\u00a0 Eulogists offered proclamations about the virtues of the departed while singers invariably waved handkerchiefs around – using them\u00a0to mop sweat during humid summer events\u00a0 or\u00a0to dab tears away\u00a0when\u00a0the singer knew the departed, and sometimes a handkerchief was merely one more dramatic device.<\/p>\n
Good music at our funerals was\u00a0a matter of pride and if a home congregation didn’t boast singers of the right caliber, a call went out to find someone who could offer the best\u00a0interpretation of the songs the family chose.\u00a0 A funeral was quite a show and I guess our people considered them a healthy way to get it all out,\u00a0because folks would respond to a wail with,\u00a0“That’s right!\u00a0 Let it go, sister!”<\/p>\n
Children attended these services.\u00a0 I was a child myself when my preacher-father required me to sing at funerals.\u00a0 Very soon (I started singing at funerals at the age of 9) I\u00a0learned to avert my eyes because gazing on a coffin, even when I’d never\u00a0met the departed, was disconcerting.<\/p>\n
But all of this is to say that I wouldn’t voluntarily open up a discussion with a young child based on the theme, “He’s gone and he’s never coming back.”\u00a0 Those discussions will come soon enough and will likely last a lifetime.<\/p>\n