Here’s a question that comes up a lot lately:\u00a0 Do you still hear from her\/him?\u00a0 It used to feel like a badge of honor to say I’ve had the same friends forever, but some of them just don’t fit anymore.\u00a0 I still cherish a few friendships that have endured through\u00a0decades , but not all the people I used to know are people I want to be with today.<\/p>\n
When we were younger, we clumped together.\u00a0 Birds of a feather for various reasons and various causes.\u00a0 We formed parent groups, church groups, hobby groups, business associations and community activist groups.<\/p>\n
Today I’m not\u00a0big on belonging to several groups.\u00a0 The ones that help create community for a reason –\u00a0those still feel valid.\u00a0 But continuing to get together just because it’s what we’ve always done – that doesn’t work so well.\u00a0 And why, I wonder, am I such a wuss about accepting that\u00a0friendships don’t always fit forever?<\/p>\n
Sometimes we fall out of touch and find we’re just fine that way.\u00a0 Then, maybe because it’s so easy to do on the internet – we reconnect, only to learn it’s different this time.\u00a0 A few sentences after hello we might not have anything else to talk about.<\/p>\n
Letting go of relationships doesn’t happen without guilt.\u00a0 I find\u00a0myself\u00a0making excuses more often to skip seeing that person.\u00a0\u00a0The answer’s right there, but it seems almost too simple\u00a0to accept.\u00a0 History alone isn’t enough.\u00a0 Seasons change.\u00a0 Values change.\u00a0 People change.<\/p>\n
My friend, Catherine, who recently celebrated her 92nd birthday,\u00a0approaches this\u00a0in the most realistic (almost clinical) way.\u00a0 She says we need different kinds of relationships at different stages in life and not only does she let go of the ones that don’t fit anymore, but she quickly replaces them with people who do.<\/p>\n
Surely I’ve been replaced in the lives of people I used to know and looking\u00a0back, it was\u00a0done so skillfully that it seemed a natural evolution.\u00a0 But\u00a0I agonize over these things.\u00a0 I\u00a0wish someone\u00a0would tell me how to accomplish what Catherine\u00a0does without leaving bruises.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n